I myself never got to understand it,
May be you’ll narrate it some day when am gone,
It was never my way,
Nor my style,
Am toxic,
Hence the distance,
Like a piece of emerald green jade,
I could have mined you,
Sculptured you to a priceless piece that you are,
I get too emotional that i had to hide,
I am no good being by your side,
I still miss your smile even in the dark,
I still visit our chats and reminisce,
The photos of you that i always stare at,
I kept saying some day, someday,
Till it became ordinary,
I still get lost in thoughts,
When i haven’t talked to you for days,
When i haven’t seen your smile for weeks,
I shudder in fear,

It stings from the inside,
When I have to stiffle what i feel,
When i have to pretend am numb,
May be i am way too selfish,
Or i am being dumb,
When it comes to you,
It really doesn’t matter,
Coz your happiness is the key,
Forever in the shadows,
Lurking from the sidelines,
Smiling at you in the dark,
Am sure you never saw me,
It’s always better in the shadows,
I got used to it,
I know i can’t have you,
Yes it hurts till it doesn’t hurt no more,
It’s a good thing i overthink,
I might never be,
But you shall forever be,
In darkness and in light,
To have and to hold,
Your forever smiles keep me going,

It was never a crush nor a fetish,
It what i wanted,
It’s what i needed,
But so what?
I couldn’t have it,
It didn’t mean i should destroy it,
All i could do was cherish it,
Live a life full of smiles,
While my insides are burning to ashes,
Knowing well that I feel for you,
Yet you might never know,
Your smile is, was, and always be addictive,
It’s my little stimulant when life’s bright,
When i remember that you was terribly hurt,
Yet you smile, bright and cresent shaped,
You reached new levels of understanding,
May be we share a little fate,
I know this might never be,
May be I’ll never confess,

The photos you never sent me,
The videos you ever posted,
All stuck with me,
Every time i look at them i smile bitterly,
May be i could help it,
I couldn’t bring myself to steal away your smiles,
I knew you’d be happier without me,
I’m lucky it never crossed your mind,
I saw the blissful peace that you had,
The carefree attitude that I had,
May be it was never meant to be,
I don’t dare regret it,
Coz everytime i see you,
Everytime i talk with you,
It’s a little peaceful world,
That i wouldn’t dare lose,
Your fighting attitude,
Your hard work and all of it,
From the fisrt to the last,
Secrets, no this ain’t one of them,

I had already left for the dream lands,
It wasn’t easy turning my eyes from you,
I needed you so bad,
I wanted you so bad,
I thought i could have you,
I remember flirting with you,
Asking you out,
May be i wasn’t resilient enough,
May be i never got into your eye,
It really didn’t matter,
And the day we met when on bike rides,
I almost crushed sneak peaking at you,
I didn’t like this feeling,
As much as I had you in mind,
As much as i wanted to love,
To hold you through thick and thin,
To love and to hold,
I couldn’t bring myself to be with you,

It’s a little funny,
Way too sad,
For me to think about,
I can’t say i know you,
Neither can you say you understand me,
It’s a pity we always stuck in between the rock and a hard place,
I remember when i first saw you,
Your hair black as the dark diloa fish,
Spinned and twinned into a pony tail,
Your cherry red lips,
Red ripe taculas,
Just like the camarilla after a blood hunt,
Your starry bright almond eyes,
I was mesmerized,
I was glued to the spot gazing at you,
Your petite, curvaceous body,
Your twin fawns fastened on your protruding bust,
Your nipples hard and pointy as the young maboque fruits,
Your milky supple skin,
I was dazed on the spot,

Time I stopped whining and complaining,
I take a knee with humility and love,
Taking your hand and kissing your neck,
Pleading for you and whole of you,
Not in tears nor shears, out of love for u,
I do want to engross you in crazy romance,
In my land I ask will you let me fifty shade you,
Every morning, in the daylight, in the moonlight,
Till the end of forever,
I want to roll my tongue deep in your gorge,
Make you scream till hell breaks loose,
I want to prickle your tetas with my wild rough tongue,
Honestly I do want to echar un polvo by you,
I wish I was dreaming or begging, for I ain’t,
I’m asking out of love and the biological bond we have,
For a moment, for a chance to give you a fifty shade in reality,
I want to roll with you in our futon,
Pump up your crazes and create a tornado,
I might sound crazy, weird…..
What do you expect of a tornado and a volcano in a wild eruption?
I don’t want to corrupt your mind, nor your heart,
I am not after vengeance nor satisfaction,
All I need, is a fifty shade darker version of us,
It got me thinking, got me feeling, got me melting,
Would you?
Couldn’t I?
Shall I?
Fifty shade you?

An angel turned demon,
When good was turned evil,
The lust for you and blood,
The last nail in the coffin,
It was all i needed,
To return you the favour,
To devour the likes of you,
I know you hate me to the core,
I know deep down you wish we could work it out,
I know you still hopeful for us,
I am sorry am longer the bunny,
The little naive innocent boy you knew,
I am just but your last resort,
As i smile in the dark,
Please do remember,
It was never my wish,
It was all your doing.

May be i was a little late,
May be i couldn’t find the peace,
I wasn’t ready to let you go,
To let you slip away,
Without remorse,
Nor a tinge of pity,
My journey to the nether lands,
To a place i couldn’t return from,
I knew i was gonna drown,
I knew i wasn’t going to be the same,
A different reincarnation,
This was my well needed rebirth,
I was lost in hatred,
It was all for vengeance,
Peace to you was all you could ever wish for,
I’d make it hard for you to find it,
Ridiculous may be,
I thought i was soft,

I am still dazed,
How blind was i?
How foolish was i?
How desperate was i?
Regrettably, there’s no medication to regret,
I was bitter,
I was broken,
Shattered and misplaced,
I was confused,
I almost lost it,
All the pent up emotions,
The anger, the pain,
How could i vent it all out,
An eye for an eye,
A tooth for a tooth,

I was willing to sculpture you,
To refine you to a fault,
I still can’t fathom,
Neither can i comprehend,
What was it that i lacked,
Which value, part, piece of me,
Was at fault ?
Was flawed?
Was incompetent,
I got used to your tantrums,
I smiled at your unreasonable demands,
I’d laugh my ass silly,
The many times i was caught staring at you,
The sleepless nights i spent,
The days i was all spent up,
I was just but a merely toy,
To you i was nothing but a fool,

All along it was all planned,
I was just but a crucial chess piece,
A pawn lain on a board,
I was head over heels,
I had lost my mind,
I had given it all,
I was all over you,
The favours,
The pleasure,
I was all round pressured,
To see your crescent smile,
I would have crossed the bridge of fire,
Fought the dragons in the mountains,
Collide head on with the snow wolves,
Take bear claws as presents,

It’s not as easy as you thought,
May be to you it was as casual as it could be,
You never had to be brutal,
At least yoy should have been honest,
I can’t still contemplate,
The pain, the agony,
How could you be so cruel,
A black widow spider,
Despicable, detestable,
Here you are playing the white lotus flower,
You sought me out,
Like diamond treasured,
You were the priceless jadeite to me,
It was all plainly simple,
I couldn’t bring myself to let you go,
It never crossed my mind,
I never thought about it,

Welcome to the new world order,
It was an easy feat to take you down,
It’s a pity that i couldn’t be the same ever,
Simple, naive and in love,
I’ve become accustomed to the dark,
The shadows have become my home,
Love’s just but another emotion,
A thought that i can hurl to who most deserve it,
Yes i got brilliant,
Now am all hazy with laughter,
Even if the skies come crumbling,
I’ll hold them up,
Simply it was just but vengeance,
Scheming,
Base,
Trickery,
Darksky.

It was easy making you pawns,
Pitting you against each other,
You broke the trust you had,
You lost the game that you dearly played,
I was the grandmaster,
I brought your whole bunch,
To the world of love,
I taught you how to love,
How to treasure love,
I couldn’t take that away from you,
I could make you hate it,
Just as simple as i did,
Today might have been our anniversary,
As a bunch of friends and lovers,
Today i celebrate the pitiful creatures you’ve become,

It was a game,
I was gonna finish it my way,
I was played,
I had to play it to the end,
This way I could find peace,
This way i could rid myself the stench,
It was not my doing but yours,
I created and wreaked havoc,
I pit you against each other,
Just the way you played me,
I let you stab each other,
Over and over again,
What you held dear,
Slip by your hands,
The way you thought you’d win,
There’s nothing painful as irrevocable regret,

Everytime i saw you with her,
The surging pain would incessantly strike me,
When i used to accompany him to meet her,
When I found them making out,
When they never cared a foot about how i felt,
You all along left me in the dark,
Stranded and lost in between,
How could you be so heartless,
I can’t deny blood is thicker than water,
But so what?
Was i just a pawn in your game,
The J,T,L,A, all of them,
How could i be an emotional shareholder,
When love turned to hatred,
The hatred that turned to vengeance,
I wasn’t gonna let peace reign,
The cocoon had to be broken,
The naive little kid,
Turned to a little heartless demon,

Despite the little sliver of chances available,
I couldn’t watch you smile bitterly,
I could barely imagine you hugging your pillow tight,
Crying your eyes swollen red,
It was not my way, i just couldn’t,
I made a mistake,
I thought our chance had came,
Yet there you were,
Acting the mediator,
I was hurting deep down,
Seeing you repress your feelings,
You insisting we should hug or kiss it out,
I couldn’t stand letting you go,
I walked away,

Before i even knew you,
Before i even held you in my arms,
Before i could even confess my love to you,
You served me on a silver platter,
Like a serving of braised pork ribs and sour lamb chops,
You delivered me to my pitiful end,
I had to make you happy,
I followed you all along,
I thought i could be happy,
If i made your sister happy,
May be you’d be happy,
I overestimated myself,
I underestimated you,
Your nerves to play blind,
Your guts to ignore your feelings,
How could such a feat make me smile,
I became selfish, self centered,
I wasn’t going to give up on you, on us,
I had to fight for the chance,