You asking why i took the wrong turn?
You wondering why my grin is all sinister?
It not as if you had no conjectures,
I’m sure it never crossed your mind,
You thought you had it all,
In your arms to spun and dictate,
That nothing would go wrong,
You thought terribly wrong,
I was the steering wheel,
I have always had it all in my hands,
I acted pitiful,
I was truly raging with fire,
Unfortunately i am winter crow,
I couldn’t light it all up,

They said that was love,
They called it perseverance,
Told me to be a Little patient,
I had bred and reared,
A mountain tiger,
I had become it’s master,
I thought only humans were fickle,
It’s too disconcerting,
Hiding in my condominium,
Shrivelled by the dark,
The spark in my eye,
Frighteningly dark,
Carrying gloomy clouds,
It was all to naught,
Haughty and egoistic,
You trampled on what i believed,
What i held deary,

Your warm smiles used to calm me,
Your voice left me in dire straits,
It was too surreal,
It was all celestial,
I still wonder,
How?
Why?
It didn’t have to be so,
It was too easy,
Way too quick,
As if i was non existent,

Hey there, it was nothing,
Just a simple hi,
I thought i was gonna take it all slow,
Mould and morph us,
Through the metamorphic thread,
From zero to you,
I looked in your eyes,
The reflection of innocence,
The sparkle of a little curiosity,
I was playing by the cards,
Taking one day at a time

It’s disconcerting to think that attempted suicide is a criminal offence, as a matter of factly K800 deaths due to mental health issues occur yearly across the globe, decriminalization of attempted suicide to deal with matters of mental health, it’s a course of contention.
-Mj-

We danced to the tune,
That was our favourite song,
Our favourite move,
Memorized by heart,
It all turned out to be my wishful thinking,
As the tears of my flaming strings,
The brief drip of my fading ink,
Sinking in sync with my heart,
Holding on the breaking lines,
Reading between the lines,
My ink pen cries,
In sickness,
In health,
To love,
To hold,
Till love does part.

I have tasted blood,
I’ve crawled around,
Hurt and bleeding,
I’ve had my share of pain,
I’ve been in a horde of fights,
Ruthless, atrocious,
Something i had to become,
Steeling my heart,
To cast aside,
For the greater good,
Love and entanglements,
Things that pull me back,
I turned all black,
I was once innocent,

I’ve become a villain,
Lurking in the dark,
A friend of the shadows,
I’ve accepted my fate,
Fighting for my place in the world,
Not because I’m all good,
Just because,
I’ll never be half as good,
Neither will i ever habour good intentions,
The intent and aura,
To have and to loot,
How can i condescend?
Stuck in the avarice of success,
A conodrum of a life well lived,
I’ve never been a maker of history,

I never thought of following the rules,
The society has never been in my sights,
Trudging, ruffling, trifling matters,
My mind is stuck on it’s own path,
Veering off at all corners,
Your thoughts are all conjectures,
It was never my wish,
The dark road i chose,
This journey of loneliness,
It’s a cross i can only carry,
A smile that carries daggers,
Kindness and generosity with intentions,
It’s in for a gain,
To add to the plus,

I wanted to be in the shadows,
To love,
To hold,
Till life does us part,
May be one day you’ll look into it,
It was all good,
All smiles,
The laughter,
It was not fake,
The thoughts were,
The intentions were malicious,
The motive all known to them,
It’s a pity,
We humans we’ll always be fickle,
Living in the light,
How could you see the traps?
Who took the knives for you?
Who bled in silence for you?

I still have to hold on,
I don’t even want to prove myself,
I need to intricate myself,
To let go,
Learn to ghost,
Learn to disappear,
It’s not that i hate you,
Not that i can’t take it,
It’s just that,
Life’s all fair,
It’s not too hard,
Neither too soft,
It can’t be a bed of roses,
Where would the thorns be?
It’s all easy,
May be i need you,
But I’d never let you know,
May be i was breathing my last,
But you’ll never know,
I’ll be disconcerted,
You won’t even notice,
I’ll be grown,
But will it even cross your mind?
Smiling at my face,
Laughing in my back,
It’s a way of life,
After all, benefits dictate relations,

They took you by your hand,
Spun you with words and kindness,
Buttered you in your face,
Sold you off in the alleys,
In the gutters they laid traps,
Their poisonous tongues,
They said they’d understand,
Through thick and thin
They’d stick with you,
To the end,
To the moon and back,
Your back is riddled with danger,
I hold them back,
Smiling at you,
You bought their ideas,
You bought their bluff,
I can’t explain myself,
I can’t let it go,
I did my best
May in your eyes i failed,
To me, success is personal,
I can’t even fall for it’s comparison,

Lifes just so-so,
I don’t need you to understand
I don’t even need you to be regretful,
I need you to smile with your daggers,
Hug me with your poison,
Grow tall, look down on me,
I’ll smile back,
In the shadows I’ll lurk,
In the darkness I’ll strike,
You’ll never see it coming,
You can run,
You can hide,
Light,
Darkness,
Relations,
I’m just but a little lost,
A keen demon,
A forever villain,
Not because am fated,
Neither because of you,,
It’s what I want to be,
It’s what i want to be,
Cold,
Frosty,
Detached.

Some memories define us,
Others dismember us,
In the shadows,
I’ll smile at you,
Wipe your tears,
Protect you,
You’ll have a shoulder to lean on,
I’ll carry this torch in the dark,
My smile never fading,
My love never ending,
I am sorry,
I can’t let you know,
I know i can’t have your heart,
Mine is yours,
My life long love devoted to you,
By your side I’ll stand

My disgrace and honor,
My rise and fall,
To you i confer,
It’s easy to say,
Sometimes i melt in your thoughts,
In my head i smile,
What if i could hold you in my arms?
If only wishes were horses,
May be frogs would be walking,
Shu’ could whistle,
Dinosaurs would exist,
It’s nothing though,
Your blissful smile blows my mind,
Your dulcet voice cages me,

It’s only that,
I am too cold,
Too villainous,
I have to protect you,
I had to forget,
To forgo, to let go,
Smugly, i am stuck,
It’s you and only you,
It’s frightening that you’ll never know,
In peace you’ll carry on,
Smiling,
Blissful,
Happy,
Content,
He who can’t sacrifice,
Isn’t worth it.